well, fuck you grandma.

Grandma has decided to die.

She's not eating. She's constantly moaning and groaning. She's just... given up.

And you know what? It's her pouting. That's all it fucking is. She needs anti-depressants or just a fucking attitude adjustment.

I have no sympathy for the dumb bitch. Mom is doing shit taking care of her, I keep having to step in. And fuck that. She's not my mother. I hate her. As soon as she's gone, I'm fucking renting out one of the rooms here. Because Fuck. That. Her son never comes around but once a month, maybe once every two weeks, because she's a fucking crap human being.

This is ridiculous.

I told her today that she's doing this of her own free will and that's all it is. And that she should just go to the hospital (because honestly, I think anti-depressants for someone with dementia is actually common and needed in this case) and she said "I won't die in a hospital". And I keep asking her what she's doing, because she's all limbs akimbo on the couch and clearly uncomfortable. And she said "I'm dyin". And she means it.

Fuck her. She can rot.

Shit.

Grandma smells like death.

That smell that's in the intensive care unit. The one that pervades nursing homes. The one that dad smelled like, grandma Xercie smelled like, before they died.

The anger has died down now. Now I'm just scared and sad for my mom.

I never wanted to smell that smell again. I'm tired of that smell. I've smelled it throughout my life.

And now since mom keeps fucking ignoring grandma, or just sitting there with a worried look, and not doing anything, I'm having to help her. And having to do stuff. And I can't handle this again. I can't do this. I can't fucking do this.